Being in a relationship with somebody includes a bunch of sacrifices and compromises at completely different ranges. Individuals would argue that when you aren’t able to compromise and sacrifice for another person, then you definately should not be in a relationship.
This lady and her boyfriend wish to transfer in collectively, however the considered shifting into his one-room residence is not working for her. Now, it’s inflicting points within the relationship.
Transferring in Collectively
OP lives in a two-room residence with about twenty-five houseplants. When she met him, she was a distant employee and was doing wonderful on her personal.
He, nevertheless, was unemployed and was residing in a one-bedroom residence with three cats.
After 4 months — and her boyfriend touchdown a brand new job — their relationship appeared strong. Stable sufficient that he proposed they stay collectively. She had no challenge with that, besides they might keep in his one-room residence for 3 months till they discovered a much bigger place.
Cats and Vegetation
Her houseplants imply lots to her, simply as her boyfriend’s cats imply lots to him, and she or he has no intention of sacrificing them for him. A one-bedroom residence is not sufficient room for vegetation, cats, and their stuff.
However now her boyfriend now not desires to discover a greater place. He believes residing in his one-bedroom residence
Her boyfriend, nevertheless, believes that staying at his place for a couple of years could be “less expensive” so they might lower your expenses to purchase a spot collectively.
But when they’re each working, she would not see how they would not be capable of afford a much bigger place and be capable of lower your expenses. Staying at his one-room residence with three cats and over twenty-five houseplants for any longer than three months was simply out of the query.
Sacrificing Consolation
In response to her boyfriend, she’s delusional for considering shifting right into a two-bedroom residence (the identical measurement she was affording simply wonderful on her personal) would not “gradual them down.”
She tried to elucidate why that plan will not work for her. It isn’t simply that there will not be sufficient room for his or her stuff, however she can not deal with being in a single room with somebody for lengthy durations of time. She wants area and a one-bedroom residence with one other individual would drive her insane.
However relationships contain loads of compromises, proper?
OP desires to know if she’s flawed for refusing to sacrifice and transfer in along with her boyfriend.
A Grand Scheme
Up to now, individuals don’t assume that she is flawed. Not solely do they blame her boyfriend, however in addition they assume he’s manipulating her.
u/FortuneTellingBoobs shared an insightful opinion on why they in all probability shouldn’t transfer in collectively, asides from the truth that his residence was small.
“NTA. I am not going to let you know to not transfer in with a dude after solely 4 months collectively, as a result of I did it and we have been collectively 25 years, however perhaps you should not transfer in with this dude after solely 4 months.
He would not appear to have a strong monetary head on his shoulders. He might simply lease out his one-room place for a revenue, and also you’d each match and work fairly nicely in your bigger residence. It is primary math.”
One other individual u/columbospeugeot is fearful that this may be a grand, evil scheme to get her to pay the payments.
“Boyfriend doesn’t sound very financially savvy. Even earlier than courting completely, you have been serving to him out with payments, and he stubbornly desires you to maneuver into his studio residence as an alternative of one thing extra sensible.
I believe it is because he will be free to stop his job and make you pay the utilities, and many others. Has one in all his arguments been, ‘It’ll be less expensive as a result of I already personal the residence, so all that you must do is pay the opposite payments’?
Beware, OP. Don’t transfer into his studio residence in your psychological and monetary well being; don’t lease one other place with him except his identify is on the lease and half the payments. NTA. Defend your self.”
In The Finish
Generally, the road between compromising, making sacrifices, and outright manipulation can get very blurry.
Everybody thinks OP must be cautious to not rush into any long-term commitments with a man she barely is aware of. Hopefully, she is going to make the suitable determination.
What are your personal ideas on this?
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